A little real talk.
I was texting with a dear friend this morning and I asked her how she was doing. She replied, “I have more energy for the things I love to do, if that makes sense.”
And, oh boy, does it ever.
2021 was super rough for me. I almost didn’t make it to 2022. I’m just now really starting to maybe possibly sort of see a future where I have more energy for things I love. Like, there are glimpses and fleeting moments, but I haven’t been able to plant my flag there full time yet.
It’s a real battle to not go gently into that good night.
I had a therapist once tell me that there are two kinds of people in the world: those who fall apart during a crisis, and those who fall apart after. The latter group is, obviously, stronger. But also mostly overlooked when the emotional scaffolding is handed out.
If you are still getting your bearings, if you still are coming to grips with the last few years, if you still are figuring out which way is up, struggling to find the old you while being introduced to the new you, let me tell you this:
Oil Painting by Beth Daley
You are not alone.
There is a painting that hangs in my bedroom. In 1999, my husband and I went to the fanciest New Year’s party in the fanciest house we’d ever seen. It was a friend of a friend and we were decidedly out classed. On the tables, there were Polaroid cameras. As we danced, he dipped me, some random person took a photo of us.
We had been married just a year, and were wearing the same clothes we wore to our rehearsal dinner. They were the only fancy party clothes we owned. And that Polaroid became one of my prized possessions. You know that question, “What five non-living things would you take out of a burning house?” That’s one of my five.
As the years went by, the picture began to fade, and we had it commissioned into a painting. That painting now hangs in our bedroom. And every once in a while, my husband and I would get into a routine and devolve from being lovers to spouses to friends to roommates, as long-time married couples often do. We’d look at that painting as say, “Who are they? And how do we get back to being then again?” In a way, it served as a True North for us.
Now, on the other side of these last few years, I still wake up every day and look at that painting and think, “Who are they? And how do we get back to them?” But I also now wonder, “What lessons have they learned? And what scars have they earned?”
And, instead of wanting to “get back” to who I was, I think it’s time to evolve into who I can be. I think it’s time for all of us to do that. We don’t need to go gently into that good night, even if we are slow to grab hold of that bright morning.
Take your time.
Breathe your air.
Cuddle your pets.
Love your people.
Explore your changes.
Make your peace.
Heal your soul.
Find your fight.
We’ll all be here waiting when you are ready.
