We All Have the Twisties
Have you been watching the Olympics? I have.
I'm actually quite the Olympics nerd, summer Olympics in particular. Why? The bodies! The nearly naked bodies. But, I promise, I'm not a gross pervert.
I just love seeing the muscles, the form, the fitness, all of it which you can't see under layers of Winter Olympic team uniforms. I can't get enough of watching athletes, of all shapes and sizes, at the top of their game doing what they do best, what they have trained to do their whole lives. (Though, let's be clear, I don't think the women's beach volleyball needs to wear bikinis. That's just some weird partriarchical holdover nonsense right there.)
But this year, we all got to learn about something that you can't see, even in those skimpy bikinis: mental health.
It seems like it is a lesson we are learning in chapters. Michelle Obama talked about struggling with low-grade depression last summer. Naomi Osaka quit the French Open. And then came Simone Biles.
But after Michelle, after Naomi, and even after Michael Phelps made a whole documentary about it, why now are people taking it seriously?
Because we are all Simone.
Do you have the Twisties?
Simone became the face of mental health in these Olympics when she pulled out of competition because of "the twisties." Simply put, it is a feeling of being lost in the air, not knowing where you are mid-flip, and becoming uncertain of how to come out of it properly to land safely on your feet and not, say, in a neck-snapping, paralyzing accident.
If you are anything like me, one thing you know is true is that the last year and a half have given us all a bit of the twisties. The only thing certain was that nothing was certain. We've had pockets of normalcy, with have careened into tsunamis of upheaval, only to find ourselves equilibrating again, and on and on and on through the endless cycle.
So, what can we learn from Simone (and Michelle, and Naomi, and Michael...)?
Talk to a Someone. High performers have coaches, mentors, therapists, friends, teammates. It doesn't matter who. It just needs to be someone who can extend a hand, and ear, or a glass and remind you that you are not alone. The best person will be someone whose first response isn't a solution -- though that should come later -- but someone who hears you, who sees you, who respects you, and who validates you. Bonus points if their first response is, "I'm sorry you are going through this" and not, "It'll pass, it's not a big deal, don't worry so much."
Press Pause. Some of the best advice I ever got was "You're just not that important." It was hard to hear, because at the time I thought I was that important to everything and everyone. But the advice came from a place of love, of seeing how much I was struggling to hold it all together, and of wanting me to understand that when I was trying to be all things to all people, I ended up being nothing to no one. You, too, aren't that important. Say "no." Say "not yet." Because, on the other side of this thing where you aren't that important are a whole bunch of things where you are... and pressing pause on what doesn't matter will allow you to focus on what does, the people and the work where you are, in fact, that important.
Find the One Thing. There is a lot you can't control right now. But there is at least one thing you can. Is it a workout? Is it cleaning off your desk? Is it prepping a meal for the week? When my kids were little I loved to do the dishes... why? Because it was something in a sea of endless chaos that I could control. It had a beginning, a middle, and an end. Find one thing that you can control, and all yourself the satisfaction of completing something, and the momentum that it gives you for the next one thing.
Screw the Joneses. There will always be people whose opinions you absorb, whether you want them or not. You'll see them on social media, these perfect people with their perfect lives, and you'll feel badly about yourself. But, let's remember that those perfect lives are curated highlight reels, not reality. And, if you judge your bloopers by everyone else's highlight reel, you can't help but feel badly about yourself... even if you don't want what their highlight reel shows. It's easy to say, "take a social media vacation" but frankly, I've never been able to do that. So, I unfollow the Joneses. Highlight the people you love, the people who inspire you, the people who make you better; comment on their stories, love their posts, interact more with the good and ignore the bad and your feed will change.
Listen to Your Instincts. Simone knew that she was in danger. She knew her limits. She made a very tough call in the face of overwhelming pressure not to sacrifice herself. She protected herself for the long game, and in doing so, she learned that she was more than just her accomplishments and her trophies. There is this idea that we are only as good as our last success, but that's not true. You are the sum total of everything you've ever done, and everything you ever will do. And, you don't have to give the trophies back.
